


Hugs and flinches

by NovemberWings



Series: Desus Drabbles [4]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Daryl Needs a Hug, Daryl coming out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hugging, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention Aaron, Mention Denise, Mention Erik, Mention Tara, Scared Daryl, Scars, cpmforting Jesus, flinching, gentle jesus, mention of past child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 22:19:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8031070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovemberWings/pseuds/NovemberWings
Summary: Daryl flinches a lot and Jesus wants to find out why and help Daryl through it.





	Hugs and flinches

Jesus started to notice that something happened a lot more than it should. Daryl flinched. And not occasionally, like other people, when they hear a loud noise or they don’t see someone. Daryl flinched all the time- at any physical contact.

When they were cooking a Jesus accidently brushed his hand getting a plate, Daryl had flinched away.

When he had leant over Daryl, when they were on the sofa, to get his drink. Daryl had flinched.

When Jesus had gentle patted him on the shoulder Daryl had flinched.

It made Jesus feel awful, thinking he was the one Daryl was flinching from. But then he noticed that he did it with everyone. No one seemed to notice, it was small flinches but it was there all the same.

When Rick had accidentally bumped his shin against the table and swore.  
When Judith had thrown a wooden block across the floor and it made a loud noise.  
When Carl had reached over Daryl’s shoulder.  
When Aaron dropped his knife on his plate.

Daryl flinched all the time at everything, and it all but broke his heart.

He walked into their living room seeing Daryl sitting on the couch reading a book- really slowly. Jesus, had thought his plan through and he still didn’t know how it was going to play out- with Daryl being so unpredictable when it came to personal or close situations. He had never seen anyone in the group be close to Daryl and that had said two things to Jesus. Number one: that this situation could go in many different ways and he would have to react appropriately. Number two: that Daryl need someone to be close to, to be comforted, because he was human and every human needs comfort occasionally (especially these days) and no one was giving him any.

He walked over to the sofa, his bare feet padding gently on the wooden floors, and sat down next to Daryl so their arms were brushing. He felt Daryl tense- but would have missed it if he wasn’t looking for Daryl’s reaction so closely.  
“What you reading?” He asked, glad to have something so easy there to start their interaction. The book was thick and heavy, and Daryl sighed closing the book in defeat rubbing at his eyes; like he had a headache.  
“Carol, gave it ta me. Said it was made inta a film with singin’ an’ shit. It’s called Lez miserables.” The pronunciation was all wrong, and it made Jesus smile a little. He reached forward and took the book in his hands, letting his fingers brush against Daryl’s, making Daryl flinch a little. He looked at the cover- it was the typical cover with a little girl on.  
“It’s pronounced, Les misérables.” Jesus pronounced it perfectly, “It’s set it France and was written by a French author.”  
“Well it’s hard ta read, I don’t get it. It’s stupid anyway- the story’s boring.”  
“No, Les mis is one of my favourite books and films.” Jesus laughed and he patted Daryl on the leg, making him flinch, which took the smile off his face. He then leant over Daryl and placed the book on the coffee table, making Daryl flinch again. “Daryl.”  
“Yhea?” He grunted, clearly uncomfortable.  
“Can I ask you something?”  
“Well, you’re gonna anyway.”  
“Why do you always flinch?” Jesus watched Daryl’s reaction carefully; he could practically see Daryl’s walls building. Not letting himself feel something that he clearly needed to feel and talk about. Pretending pain isn’t there, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.  
“I don’t.” Daryl denied. Jesus gave him a look, and Daryl must have realised how stupid that answer was. “Well why don’t you, huh? We’re livin’ in a world where dead things wanna eat us. Ya gotta be on high alert all tha’ time.” Daryl’s tone was defensive, accusing. 

“Because when I’m in these walls, I know I’m safe. That my friends aren’t going to hurt me.” He paused and something dark flashed across Daryl’s face, and was gone in a second. Jesus put his hand on Daryl’s knee again, where it was before, making Daryl flinch again. Daryl tried to keep his eyes locked on Jesus’ but his eyes kept flitting somewhere else, even though he was trying to hold steady. “You do know we’re not going to hurt you, right Daryl?” All Jesus was met with though was silence and Daryl looked down to where his hand was on his knee. Jesus’ chest ached at the realisation.

Even though Daryl had been with these people for almost two and a half years he still didn’t 100% trust they weren’t going to hurt him. “Oh Daryl.” He sighed.

 

Jesus lifted his hand and placed it on Daryl’s cheek, this was the strongest reaction he had ever gotten of Daryl. Daryl not only flinched back but closed his eyes and his lips pulled into a grimace. Jesus kept his hand lightly on Daryl’s cheek, light enough that Daryl could get him off with no struggle, but it was still there- touching him. After a few long seconds Daryl opened his eyes slowly, and blinked.

His eyes locked on Jesus’ and he blinked in confusion.  
“I’m not going to hurt you Daryl.” He spoke slowly and gently, but he wasn’t condescending.  
“I know that.” Daryl snapped, but it was weak. Daryl was falling back on his usual tactic of getting angry to push people away when they tried to get too close. But he wasn’t going to back off, until he thought Daryl really meant it. It was clear that Daryl needed someone to push him to talk about his feelings and the group- as lovely as they were- had been misreading the signs and just staying way or backing off when Daryl got angry. That’s not what Daryl wanted or needed, he just didn’t know how to ask for help. Jesus gently rubbed his thumb back and forth on Daryl’s cheekbone, soothingly.  
“Then why do you flinch at every little noise, when someone brushes against you? You can talk to me Daryl, what you say won’t leave these four walls. And if you don’t want me to, I won’t change the way I act towards you because of what you say. Safe-zone.” He said the last word with a soothing smile.

Daryl sighed a little, in somewhat defeat, and Jesus knew he was ready to talk to he took his hand off his face; waiting for Daryl to be ready.  
“It’s a habit. I don’t mean to, I don’t think that ya would hurt me…” Daryl faded off, but Jesus caught the way he had phrased it. He didn’t say that he KNEW Jesus wouldn’t hurt him; he thought Jesus wouldn’t hurt him.  
“You should know I won’t hurt you. What reason could I possibly have to hurt you? What reason could anyone here have to hurt you?” Jesus finished and then noticed that the tips of Daryl’s ears had turned pink. “Daryl, I said you can tell me anything; I meant that with all my heart.” Daryl nodded and took a deep breath.  
“Promise?”  
“I promise.”  
“I think you guys are startin’ ta figure out that I-I’m…” Daryl shook his head ‘no’. He couldn’t finished the sentence, he couldn’t say it out loud. Jesus knew what he was going to say, he had thought it for a while now- he had met many people like Daryl before.  
“That you’re gay.” Jesus gently finished for him. Daryl nodded and the moment he did the tears started flowing. Daryl leant forward and put his elbows on his knees and covered his face with his hands and cried. Jesus put a hand gently on Daryl’s shoulder, making Daryl flinch. He just rubbed Daryl’s shoulder slowly and made shushing sounds. He didn’t want to overwhelm Daryl by bombarding him with words, so he waited for him to calm down.

After a few minutes Daryl calmed down and roughly wiped at his face to rid his tears. The tears from Daryl’s face were gone, but his eyes were a little puffy and shone with unshed tears and his face had tear marks; his face red. 

Daryl kept his eyes locked on Jesus’ chest, not meeting his eyes, or even looking at his face.  
“Are ya angry?” Daryl all but whispered.  
“No!” Jesus exclaimed breathily, “I’m the last person who would be angry with you for that.” He let out a little non-humorous laugh. “Daryl, I thought you knew. I like men too. It’s okay. We would never hate you for that. The group is okay with Tara and Denise, and Aaron and Erik. I’m pretty sure they know about me too. Why would it be different for you?”  
“Because I’m me.” Daryl fell off, they both knew what he meant but neither could articulate it. Daryl was supposed to be tough and fearless, and normally people like that were womanisers and Daryl was the complete polar opposite.  
“Exactly,” Daryl gave him a confused frown, “you’re you. And that’s why they love you. You may be rough around the edges and damaged, but they love you because that’s part of who you are. You’re loyal and kind, you’ll go to great lengths to protect all of them and even though you may not show it though physical means or say it in words they know you love them. You’re a family and if you like men, women or both; it doesn’t matter to them, what matters is that you’re alive, safe and happy. No one, and I mean no one, would ever hit you or hurt you because you like men- especially me.” Jesus hadn’t meant to say the last two words but that had slipped out.

“What do you mean, ‘especially you?’” Daryl asked carefully. Jesus shook his head, a faint smile on his lips;  
“It doesn’t matter, this is about you.”  
“No it does matter, tell me.”  
“Okay, I’ll tell you, but if you open up a little more and then we’ll drop it for now okay?”  
“’kay.”

Jesus took a breath, well aware that this might ruin everything.  
“Well, I said that because I like you. More than a friend, and I would never hurt someone I care so deeply about.” Jesus spoke slowly and carefully, aware of how fragile Daryl was right now.  
“Oh.” Daryl started forward for a few seconds, apparently shocked, and clearly unaware of how much Jesus was panicking. “I like you too, that’s why I though ya might be angry and hit me.”

Jesus shook his head sadness rolling though his veins, before he could speak Daryl continued.  
“When I was younger, my old man liked ta drink. And when he drank he liked ta hit things. After my brother left, that thing he liked to hit was me. He once caught me kissin’ a…a b-boy and he lost it. Callin’ me names like faggot an’ pussy, an’ when a lesson is beaten inta ya for years with tha’ same message it kinda sticks. I’m pretty sure that y’all would be okay with it, but you’re my family an’ I didn’t wanna risk it an’ when I thought you started figurin’ it out, it was like I was back home again… That’s why I flinch.”

Jesus mouth fell open and he felt tears well up in his eye before silently falling. He raised his hand to cover his mouth.  
“Oh Daryl, I’m sorry you had to go through that.” His voice wavered through the tears. Daryl looked up at his face.  
“Why? It’s not like it was your fault.”  
“I’m sorry because no one should have to go through pain because of how their born, especially at the hand of their own family. I’m sorry because you’ve suffered years of abuse that have left mental scars.” He paused to calm himself down, he reserved this amount of hatred for really awful people, and Daryl’s father was getting a lot of that hatred right now, he lowered his hand from his mouth and looked deeply into Daryl’s eyes. “Daryl you need to know that we all love you and would never do anything like that to you. We love you, so much.”

Daryl nodded; “I’ll try, but it’ll take time…” he trailed off and looked away from Jesus before looking back, “will you help me get used to touch. It’ll take me a while ta stop flinchin’, I probably neva’ will completely stop, but can ya help me. Please.” Jesus nodded, and there was no better time than the present.

He reached forward and gently, but firmly, pulled Daryl into a loose hug. He felt Daryl tense up but he held him, whispering nothings in his ear to calm him.  
“Just a hug, nothing else, just relax. Let yourself feel okay. Relax Daryl.” He carried on whispering and eventually Daryl lifted his arms and hugged him back, tentatively- unsure of the new territory. Jesus smiled into Daryl’s shoulder and rubbed his back, helping some of the tension leave.  
“We’ll get there Daryl. You and me. We’ll get there.” He spoke rubbing Daryl’s back. “You’re going to be okay, I promise. I promise Daryl, it’s all okay.”  
“Thanks, Paul.” Daryl replied his voice heavy and sleepy. Jesus gently stroked Daryl’s hair, continuing shushing. Daryl fell asleep on Paul’s shoulder and Jesus lay him down on the sofa before gently removing his boots and draping a blanket over him.

Daryl looked at peace, even happy. Normally Daryl’s sleeps were fitful and he never looked clam but now as he slept he had a fair smile on his lips. He looked young and there had never been a nicer sight for Paul Rovia- knowing he had put that look on his face.


End file.
